War Fighting Tools and Playing by Rules
by ichigo711
Summary: It's tough to weigh honor against victory, but for a knight the choice should be automatic. He wishes that Saber would be the one to make the right decision. He didn't want his last thoughts to be "You have lied to me."


_Disclaimer: I do not own Fate/Zero or any of its characters. All credit for the characters and situations goes to the rightful owners. The only thing I own is this story._

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**War Fighting Tools and Playing by Rules**

.

Was it really that hard though? All he wanted was to be a good knight and serve his master until the end.

Was it really that hard to prove enough loyalty to one person so that for once you aren't accused of being useless, or pitiful, or unfaithful. It's all he ever asked for. It's not a selfish request.

All that was left for him now was a narrow road with no choices left. A sheer drop into hell on either side of him as he carefully placed one foot in front of the other, hoping the ground wouldn't give way under the weight of his chivalry.

He knelt in front of his master as he barked accusations at him. His clouded mind made heavy with his thoughts. '_I didn't seduce Sola. This wasn't my intention. I only want the best for you. Why do you accuse me of such things? You know my legend. Have I not suffered enough punishment already? Can I not atone now?_'

'_Am I really that useless?_'

Then she is there.

The reason he is able to keep sight of what's important.

Before he can rest easy though, he must make sure that her intentions are true, though he has no doubt in his mind that they aren't.

"You wouldn't happen to know where my master's betrothed may be, do you Saber?"

She shrugs, and he releases a sigh of relief at knowing she wasn't involved.

"The others are all taking advantage of this night to recover, so now is the best chance we have for ending our battle without any interruptions. What say you, Lancer?"

Like the North Star on a hazy day, she is the one who can lead him out of this fog. He is able to take the first steady breath he has had in a while. His resolve hardens. He breathes. His mind clearer.

"Your pure fighting spirit is the only thing that still brings me peace." And he means it.

They duel. Kayneth watches in disapproval. Lancer knows this, but he also knows this is something that he needs. He needs to feel like he's worth something for once, and he does when he fights her.

He wants nothing of the grail. He claims no stake in the war for himself. Let him have this one indulgence. Let him have this one fair fight with an honorable heroic spirit who understands him. A fight between these two who understand each other.

"You insist on not using your left hand, saber?" Lancer inquires.

"You misunderstand. The weight of my sword is the weight of my pride. If I were to use my left hand, the shame would dull my blade whether I like it or not, so you see Lancer. This is the best chance I have at defeating you."

He swells with positive emotions at seeing such pride and chivalry. So many memories. '_Thank you Saber._' There are so many more things he wishes he were able to tell her, but if she feels the same way, then surely she already knows how he feels. As a small token of his gratitude, he is unable to stop at least one comment from slipping past. And with the utmost honesty, he gives her a truly grateful look.

"I am glad I was able to meet you."

There are no more words between them.

They fight in a way that some can't comprehend. They are both happy to be given this opportunity. There is no fear as they fight, even though they both know one will not emerge from this endeavor alive. They are both at peace with the idea that one will die at the hand of the other, and they would have it no other way.

They are able to communicate better through their exchanged blows than they could ever hope to with words.

Saber flashes him a smile as she rushes forward in a stab. He intercepts it with his spear.

'_Isn't this war a silly thing?_'

Lancer is smiling as well as he sweeps his blade in a wide arc. She sidesteps it.

'_That's right, we are used as tools. Summoned without any say and expected to fight, though I would have it no other way._'

'_As long as I have a shot at getting my wish. But what do you desire of the grail?_'

'_Nothing. I want nothing more than to fight, fair and true, for none other than my master_.'

'_You are worthy._'

'_As are you._'

They both get it. They both know that there is struggle with old ideals in a new age, and even more so when expected to fight alongside a master who doesn't share any of the same morals. At least they can agree on that.

There is a divine happiness that can't be properly described in words when you find someone who is so close to understanding you, that you would believe that you are almost the same in spirit. Is this what it may mean to have a soul mate? The elation of battle, the heightened sense of pride. The feeling of bliss when you know someone so important evokes these emotions in you, as you simultaneously educe the same feelings in them as well. Ah, yes surely this must be-

They both jolt in shock. It takes him a minute to even register what had just happened. He was soaring. His body took control in fighting, and then suddenly there was an involuntary movement in his body of sorts. A strange feeling he did not understand.

The first thing he noticed was Saber. Her face contorted in some sort of storm of tangled emotions. She looked like she may become sick.

'_Huh? Saber, what's wro- UGHHH_'

Suddenly there was a sharp pain throughout his entire body. There was a strong metallic taste as his mouth overflowed with blood, causing him to choke.

He tried to take a step back in confusion, only to find he was unable to move his lower body. He looked down, finally in realization of what was happening. His spear was impaling him through the chest.

'_Saber, what happened? But how could this-_'

His attention diverted as he sensed Kayneth step onto the battle field. He swung around in disbelief as he saw his master, carrying an injured Sola.

'_what?_'

"Use your remaining command seal to compel your servant to commit suicide."

Kiritsugu stepped out from the shadows behind them, in his hand, the completed contract. The self-geas scroll.

'_no…_'

"I may not harm you or Sola. The pact is complete."

'_NO_'

At that point, he knew it was the end of the line. He was dying, and his power "Eye of the Mind", granting his additional perception in battle situations helped him see right through the trap. He would die, and then Kayneth and Sola also…

His senses are started to fail him now, but he could still hear Saber's labored breathing behind him.

"You desire to grail so desperately?"

His voice surprised even him. He sounded so wild and animalistic. The words he rumbled out, gruff as he choked on his own blood. It was then that he first noticed something was wrong. A foreign anger bubbled up inside of him so violently that he could not contain it within himself. The influence of the grail called out to him.

"You. You have. Crushed the one wish."

He turned to Saber. His vivid blood tainting her deceptively pure skin.

'_Saber… but why?_'

"And you! Do you.. not feel any. Shame at all?!"

'_I trusted you_.'

"You. Have defiled. The pride of knights."

'_You knew all along? About Sola. About this plan? Saber… why?_'

"I will. Never. Forgive you."

'_You have lied to me Saber. My feelings and words were as true as my soul, but you still? Why? Why did you sink to such lengths to win? The one person I could trust. The one thing that brought my spirit peace. Is gone._'

Diarmuid, Lancer class of the Holy Grail war, began falling apart. As the grail called him back, drawing in his physical form and spirit, reclaiming it, he felt a dark power influencing him.

'_What's wrong with the grail? Something's not right. It's…_'

"Cursed. May the grail be cursed!"

'_Ahh, yes. Perhaps it already is._'

"May the wish it grants bring only disaster!"

'_So far, that's all it seems to bring'_

"And when you fall into the pits of hell"

'_Because we all end up there in the end_'

"Remember the rage of Diarmuid."

'_Don't forget about me._'


End file.
